virus: Church Doctrine

Tim Rhodes (
Tue, 23 Sep 1997 09:41:52 -0700 (PDT)

Okay, let's lighten the mood...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: 22 Sep 1997 12:55:31 -0400
To: Return requested <>,

Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in
various church bulletins.

1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of
David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends
of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk will please come early.
8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put
me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the
Pastor in his study.
10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come foreward
and lay an egg on the alter.
11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the
ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will
join in.
12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost
of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new
carpet will come foreward and do so.
13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. >>