Re: virus: Logic and Purpose

Sodom (
Tue, 21 Oct 1997 16:37:52 -0400

Marie Foster wrote:

> Sodom wrote:
> >
> Marie said
> In all of our communication here I have realized that you are further
> along on your journey than I was at your age (you are the same age as
> my
> son BTW). In some ways I figure I might be out in front of you. In
> other ways you are ahead. I appreciate that we have met along the
> way.

Thank you, of course I am sure that I would like to be as far along as
you are sometime in my future.

> Somewhere in my journey I decided that the question of what happens to
> me is out of my hands. So I do not worry about it. I have taken the
> steps I need to to relieve my son of decisions that have to be made if
> I
> proceed him. I enjoy today.

I have decided that a great deal of what happens to me is in my hands,
almost everything. I choose though to let let much slip through, as
people who squeeze to tightly usually live short and angry lives, i

> I feel I have freed myself from the "fear of punishment" if that makes
> any sense to you. The funny thing to me is that once I did that I did
> not immediately go off the deep end and start down the *path of evil*
> if
> you know what I mean. In fact, I found a more stable place to make
> positive decisions and I feel better about the ones I make.
> Marie

I do understand the concept of "fear of punishment". i actually, and
somewhat sheepishly admit, carry out some type of self-punishment for
wrongs I feel I commit. I am very hard on myself if I go against a value
I hold. This does also direct some of my decision making when caught in
between a want and a value. I almost always choose "value" but sometimes
I do make mistakes, and then deliberately psychologically lash myself
for doing it. I don't believe I am as "free" as you are yter. I do hope
to be at some point and find the conversation here, and with you, to be