virus: [Fwd: HUMOR: Microsoft Corporation today announced plans to upgrade God.]

Lior Golgher M.V. (
Thu, 13 Nov 1997 23:05:03 -0800

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Thu, 13 Nov 1997 09:40:22 -0500 (EST)
Date: Thu, 13 Nov 1997 09:40:22 -0500 (EST)
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Subject: HUMOR: Microsoft Corporation today announced plans to upgrade God.
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Microsoft Corporation today announced its intent to purchase,
copyright, and upgrade God.

The new product would be named, predictably enough, "Microsoft God,"
and would be available to consumers sometime in late 1998. "Too many
people feel separated from God in today's world," said Dave McCavaugh,
director of Microsoft's new Religions division. "Microsoft God will
make our Lord more accessible, and will add an easy, intuitive user
interface to Him, making Him not only easier to find, but easier to
communicate with."

The new Microsoft Religions line will be expanded to include a
multitude of add-on products to Microsoft God, including:

Microsoft Crusades: This conversion product will bring all worshipper
accounts and prayer files over from previous versions of God, or from
competing products like Buddha or Allah.

Microsoft God for the World Wide Web: This product ties Microsoft God
with Microsoft Internet Information Server, making our Lord accessible
from the World Wide Web using a standard Web browser interface. It
introduces several new Web technologies, including Dynamic Salvation
and Active Prayer Pages (APP). Donations for the poor can be donated
via a Secure Alms Server.

Microsoft Prayers: Using a Windows-based WYSIWYG interface, this
product will allow worshippers to construct effective prayers in a
minimum of time. A Secure Prayer Channel technology allows guaranteed
delivery of the prayer to Microsoft God servers, and Prayer Wizards
enable users to construct new types of prayers with a minimum learning

Microsoft Savior: This product will allow worshippers to transfer
their sins to its internal Vice Database. After a preset interval, the
product will erase itself from the user's system and establish a clear
line of secure communications to the user's Microsoft God server.

Additionally, Microsoft is expected to announce a line of
complimentary products for the new Religions line, which will enhance
the functionality of the Microsoft God server product by providing a
customized user interface. These interfaces will be based on popular
religious sects, allowing worshippers to interact with the new God
product in much the same way as the previous version.

This line is expected to include Microsoft Christianity, Microsoft
Catholicism, Microsoft Judaism (incompatible with Microsoft Savior),
etc. Competitor Netscape Communications denies rumors that it is
planning to release a competing product, Netscape Satanism, that would
attempt to render Microsoft God installations inoperable.