virus: Politically Correct Physics

Howard Rothenburg (hrothenb@bcpl.net)
Thu, 4 Jun 1998 23:35:18 -0400 (EDT)


Politically Correct Physics

1996 Course Offerings at the
Scientific and Technical University for Politically Intelligent Development

About S.T.U.P.I.D.

We are an equal opportunity university specializing in higher-order thinking
skills that provide students with raised consciousness, empowerment, and
self-esteem. We are especially proud of our inclusionary policies which
empower
all members of society, regardless of differences in ability and background.
For example, we were the first university in North America to ensure that
every
traffic sign on campus was not only printed in at least 5 languages, but is
also marked in Braille. We are proud of our diversity and require gender and
ethnic diversity from every student. All students accepted to S.T.U.P.I.D. are
guaranteed passing grades and a succesful graduation as a right. All students
applying to S.T.U.P.I.D. are guaranteed admittance as long as our modest
tuition requirements and entrance fees are paid - and we work hard to help
students get the federal and state grants they deserve to attend our
university. Competition is out - all classes operate on the principles of
cooperative learning, self-directed learning, learning-to-learn, and active
learning. This is facilitated by our well supplied computer and multimedia
labs, now with Super Sega CD and Enhanced Super Nintendo. S.T.U.P.I.D. - the
ultimate adventure in modern education.

Funding for S.T.U.P.I.D. is generously provided by the taxpayers of the United
States. Most of our budget comes from the $80 million a year our newly founded
Medical College receives from the U.S. government to not produce any more
physicians. Our Department of Physics also receives $10 million a year in
Federal grants to not produce any physicians.

P101 - Freshperson Physics (formerly "Freshman Physics"): Toward a Higher
Awareness

Traditional Eurocentric physics must be excised if students are to achieve
higher consciousness. The restrictive ideology of Newton, with its emphasis on
action and reaction, is exposed as reactionary propaganda, used for centuries
to oppress people and institutionalize fear and hate. The prohibitive,
traditional "laws" of physics must be rejected in favor of new models that
foster tolerance, empowerment, and social justice. Under the old order,
radical
conservative forces have imposed "conservative" laws restricting the use of
energy, mass, momentum, and electrical charge. Rather than conserving such
forces and powers, they must be increased and made available to all people,
regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation. Students are instructed in
the revolutionary New Physics and are encouraged to promote awareness through
demonstrations and other media events.

P115 - Contributions of the Vertically Challenged in Physics

Startling new evidence confirms that most great physicists were vertically
challenged (or "short," as bigots are wont to say). Unfortunately, repressive
social norms forced many scientists to strive to appear vertically gifted in
order to maintain credibility with the masses. Some never publicly came out
about their true vertical orientation, but were still privately active in the
vertically challenged subculture. This course examines how the vertically
challenged status of Newton, Galileo, Einstein, Bohr, and many others
contributed to their success as scientists.

P116 - Quantum Mechanics: Contributions of Indigenous Peoples

Most textbooks on physics, written by the ruling Eurocentric white male class,
have completely ignored the fundamental contributions of indigenous peoples
toward our understanding of quantum mechanics. This course seeks to rectify
past wrongs by focusing on the achievements in quantum mechanics of peoples
such as the Aleutian Indians, the Australian Aborigines, and Karen tribes of
Thailand. Extra credit and reduced homework loads are available to members of
oppressed groups.

P221 - White Male Oppression in Nuclear Physics

For centuries, white males have used the rhetoric and the tools of physics -
especially nuclear physics - to suppress other classes. Bigoted labeling of
subatomic particles, such as "negative" for the charge of the electron or
"uncharmed" for some quarks, implies that some particles are better than
others, which in turn is used to strengthen repressive norms of racial and
gender inequality. Students will explore more holistic approaches to physics
and learn how to turn physics into a New Age tool of class struggle to
overthrow oppression.

P287 - Feminist Cosmology

The Big Bang Model is exposed a purely male paradigm, deliberately replete
with
male sexual symbolism in order to deny empowerment to women. A more
progressive
feminine cosmology, the Gentle Nurturing, is offered to replaced the male Big
Bang theory. The Gentle Nurturing model views the origin of the universe as
lengthy period of gradual gestation, followed by steady nurturing, rather than
a sudden eruption. The male originators of the Big Bang theory are examined
critically for their role in maintaining an oppressive order through the
manipulation of physics. The new paradigm shows that we are part of an
interconnected cosmic entity which must be further nurtured and protected from
the harms inflicted by the radical right.

P326 - Advanced Psychophysics

This specialized course for physics majors only teaches students to achieve
high levels of cosmic awareness by tapping into the universal consciousness
that engulfs us all. Such higher order thinking skills are developed by
cooperative quantum reconstruction and self-directed neural empowerment
sessions with the assistance of Tarot cards, Ouija boards, energy crystals,
and
altered states of consciousness. Students not only develop their psychic
gifts,
but learn how to effectively market them in fields such as Celebrity
Counseling, Political Psychotherapy (including tips on White House protocol),
and Forensic Psychozoology (using psychic gifts to identify which corporations
have harmed protected species). Teaching assistants are available in the form
of personal spirit guides.

P331 - Gaia, the Atomic Mother

Past studies of Gaia as the self-regulating life force of mother earth have
been too narrow in their vision. A new framework for physics shows that Gaia
originates at the atomic level, where each atom is alive and connected to the
cosmic consciousness, directly influencing universal karma. This breakthrough
in human consciousness, finally accessing the astral energies of the atom
itself, reveals the horror of man's sins (but not womyn's) against nature in
the twentieth century. Splitting the atom, for example, is now seen as the
ultimate act of violence. Our assault on the atomic world may account for much
of the clash between man and nature, including the recent escalation in
lightning strikes. This course will show students new approaches to life and
energy to heal the wounds we have inflicted to the atomic world, including the
damaged self-esteem to electrons and other particles afflicted with judgmental
labels by bigoted scientists. Prerequisite: P221.

The Scientific and Technical University for Politically Intelligent
Development is a fully accredited non-profit institution of higher
multicultural learning. The University is an Equal Opportunity institution,
working to provide equality and empowerment for all. Reactionaries and members
of oppressor classes need not apply.
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