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Computer quotes

         Collected by Steen Hansen Hviid, Columbus, Ohio, USA


"The C Programming Language - A language which combines the
 flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly

PROGRAM - n.    - A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to
                  turn one's input into error messages.
          v. tr.- To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head
                  against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for

"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct,
 not tried it."

                 -- Donald Knuth

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving
 to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe
 trying to produce bigger and better idiots.  So far, the Universe is

                 -- Rich Cook

"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot.  C++ makes it
 harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."

                 -- Bjarne Stroustrup

"I've never met a human being who would want to read 17,000
 pages of documentation, and if there was, I'd kill him to get him out
 of the gene pool."

                 -- Joseph Costello, President of Cadence

"The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to
 constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every
 appearance, the variable pi can be given that value with a DATA
 and used instead of the longer form of the constant.  This also
 simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change."

                  -- FORTRAN manual for Xerox computers

"The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should,
 therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense."

                  -- E. W. Dijkstra

"It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to
 students that [sic] have had prior exposure to BASIC; as potential
 programmers  they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of

                  -- Dijkstra

"A system admin's life is a sorry one.  The only advantage he has
 over Emergency Room doctors is that malpractice suits are rare.  On
 the other hand, ER doctors never have to deal with patients
 installing new versions of their own innards!"

                 -- Michael O'Brien

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