1. If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite
number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun
rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will
eventually produce all the world's great literary works in
2. Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure
on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums
unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to
even it out.
3. Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because
they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to
communicate ideas at a faster rate.
4. The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.
Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms
are brought in close to the body,the cutting of tall trees may
cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.
If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a
Bostonian "pahks" his "cah", the lost r's migrate southwest,
causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
GRAND PRIZE WINNER
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on
its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the
buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to
the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the
ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail
could easily link major metropolitan areas.